I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
