her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
