I want to have your abortion
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize