And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize