im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
