my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
