She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
