Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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