I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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