Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Shame is for Republicans.
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