i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
