i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
too bad you live with your parents still
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
