What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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