it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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