Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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