Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
