my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
