I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
