im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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