i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's just like the Real World with babies
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
