The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize