Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
