There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
