Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
