All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
