Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
