I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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