you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
