i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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