It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you never un-have a 4some
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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