I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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