home. puking in laundry basket.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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