Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
