A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
