The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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