Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
