Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
