why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
