people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
