oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
worst night to have a conscience
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize