I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
