His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize