I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
