He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
