Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She is in my trunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
