so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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