Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
