we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She bit a glass in half.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
