we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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