I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
