i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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