I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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