As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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