i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
