I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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