i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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