please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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