Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im calling her cock vulture from now on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
