I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
