if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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