I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
