if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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