Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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