That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize