My girlfriend figured out who you are.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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